The Truth About Age and New Motherhood

In your forties the idea of becoming a new mother again is scary, to say the least. At least in your twenties, you know you are going through the same things that millions upon millions of new mothers go through all across the globe.  Yes, it's true, having children in your forties is happening a lot and it is nothing new. But it isn't even near as common as child rearing is in the two decades that precede it. And for that, the woman who finds herself with an infant in her forties may feel a little lonely at times.  There just aren't enough of her. Even here in New York City, a mecca for women who put off having children later in life, older moms are the exception, not the rule.  So, at play dates, at school, on the playground, I am going to continue to be the one who is going to be older than the other moms. That's o.k. But sometimes it'll be lonely when the other moms can't relate to what I'm talking about. Picture this: the kids are playing on the jungle gym and we moms are on the bench talking.  Musical groups come up. I mention Led Zeppelin and Rush. I get a quizzical look. Or  I mention that I named my daughter after the Little House on the Prairie books. Another pause, followed by, "Oh, yeah, I've heard of them." The point is, I stand apart in the group. The group can't relate to me totally. I'm an anomaly Now, for Pete's sake, I am not attempting to elicit pity from anyone reading this. I am merely stating facts and figures. Here's a figure: Only 5 percent of live births are from women over the age of 39.  As recently as 2006, the CDC (Center for Disease Control) reported that the average age of the first time mother in the United States is 25.  If that were graphed, I would fall on the far right tail of the distribution curve. I'd be deleted for skewing the results. Maybe I should move to New Zealand where the average age is 30.7. At least I'd have more of a chance to fit in when I reveal my true age amongst the playground moms.  Maybe, in lieu of, ""Oh my, you look good for your age," I'll be greeted with, "Who cares?"  Forgive me, I am having fun with this topic. I don't feel left out or different, really.  The real culprit is stamina. Or lack thereof. That is what is scaring me. I can handle different. I had a poster in my room growing up with a rooster with an actual comb on its head. The poster read: Dare To Be Different.  Believe me, though, I didn't tell myself that I would wait until my forties to have kids. I don't think many women actually aspire to that because we all know the risks and difficulties of getting and staying pregnant, even as soon as age 35.  So, looking, acting, and being older than my contemporaries on the playground shouldn't and doesn't bother me. What does bother me is that I may run out of steam chasing them around the playground. Getting pooped out, so to speak.  A friend of mine has a 25 year-old and seven year-old. I asked her a question to which I already knew the answer: "What age was easier for you when you had your sons, 24 or 42?"  We all know her answer was an emphatic 24. She answered so quickly and with such gusto, it got me to think about what lies ahead for me in the need-for-energy department. With an active four year-old and an infant any day now, I am headed for activity the likes of which I've never experienced.  When most people my age start thinking about how to fit relaxation into their lives, I will be thinking about how to get more physical energy out of my body.  While I'm chasing my kids around the apartment, let's just hope the saying, "It'll keep you young", is true. I will need youth on my side, and I'll take it any way I can get it!