Entering 25th Week of Pregnancy with Suppressed Joy

The truth us I am holding my breath every day until the baby comes out. I still can't believe I'm pregnant. I look at my gorged belly constantly and feel baby kicking. But I still can't get too excited because I have to see it to believe it. I am not referring to the baby as "it", rather to the concept that I am going to give birth to a human baby in three and a half months. O.K. I can't really get that far ahead. I am taking it one day at a time by thanking a higher power each night for letting this baby grow inside me one more day.  I passed the danger zone but I am still in the proverbial woods. Not letting myself feel joy is a way to keep in check the reality that something could still go wrong. I don't want to think about that. But getting too joyful is getting ahead of myself. I am superstitious. I don't even want to know the sex yet. The baby inside is baby.  I must let baby grow and get in one more day as best as I can. So I keep myself from joy and from fear. I just go about my day, doing my regular errands and chores and busy stuff. Belly gets patted and rubbed very often and songs get sung. But daily life carries on. I am being a realist. I will let the emotions pour out of me at week 32. Watch out because I wear my emotions on my sleeve, and I can't wait to feel/express/enrapture them.